


Tanks Don't Get Sick but Little Detectives Do

by Luxwinggo



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Sickfic, cone of cold is a bastard and i dont know how frozen works in d&d dont @ me, rated for language, shits so fluffy its like someone left it in the dryer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-21 14:59:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17045846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luxwinggo/pseuds/Luxwinggo
Summary: Cone of Cold can have some arguably ill side-effects - especially if you're a boy detective with about ten hit points. But Angus McDonald is not sick. If he were sick, then people would have to take care of him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my google drive half done for five months. I forgot to actually participate in the taz secret santa so I decided to finish this and make it a present to myself because I'm worth it.
> 
> I kept shouting into the woods at night for someone to write me Angus sickfic fluff with the THB and no one replied. 
> 
> Can you believe?

 

 

Angus peered around the stone column he was hidden behind and jerked back, narrowly avoiding another ray of frost. He took a breath and looked to the column on the opposite side of the room that the three reclaimers were huddled behind. Taako shot a look at Angus and shook his head.

Magnus raised his shield and nudged Merle. “Hey, got anything to cover me with?”

“Uh...shit, do I?” Merle kneeled down and thumbed through his Extreme Teen Bible. “Uh...yeah, okay! Yeah! I think I do! Maybe? Try this, big guy!” Merle waved a hand at Magnus as a large shield made of light materialized around him. Merle chuckled as he moved back against the column. “Didn’t think that would actually work.”

Taako shoved Merle back as he pointed the Umbra Staff around their crumbling defense. “Yeah you- fuckin props for doing the-you know, bare minimum there, bud.” A scorching ray shot from the umbrella across the cavern, causing a booming crash and a loud screeching from their assailant. “Can we PLEASE just fucking KILL THIS THING? ANYONE?”

Magnus grinned and dove out from the column, running shield first at the massive frost wraith that stood before him. 

Angus watched the fight from his position, wand clasped tightly in his hands and looking for any sign that he could help. Magnus was already knocking the wraith back with his brute strength and pulling out railsplitter before it could recover. With the monster staggered, Taako moved out into the battle as well, shooting out sparks of fire and shouting various insults. Merle stayed back, preoccupied with trying to find another useful spell, and as Angus watched him an idea suddenly came to him.

“MERLE! SIR!” 

Merle jerked his head up and scowled at Angus. “Kid, we’re a little busy here! Can it-”

“Destroy Undead, sir!” Angus glanced back at the battle, but the two were still holding their own for now. “Wraiths are undead and you’re a cleric, sir! If anything, you can at least turn it!”

Merle peered back down at his book and grunted. “Well, don’t usually take requests, but-”

A loud crash rang through the cave and Magnus flew back against the column Angus hid behind. A deafening roar followed as the wraith shot several ice spears towards Taako, who barely rolled well enough to dodge them. Magnus grunted as he rose to his feet and turned to give Angus a thumbs up. Angus wasn’t convinced, eyeing the blood beginning to trickle from the fighter’s nose.

He glanced back at Merle and tightened the grip on his wand. “Sir, I’ll distract the wraith, then you cast the spell!” Before Merle could sound a complaint, Angus was already running out into the fight. He kept his attention focused on the wraith as it towered over him and shot a weak scorching ray at it’s skull-like face. The damage was minimal, but the effect was just what he wanted. The monster’s attention was on him now as he ran past it. It roared and readied a whirlwind of ice before a blast caught it from behind.

Angus looked back to see Taako screaming at him. “AGNES GET YOUR FUCKIN SCRAWNY ASS BA-”

The wraith shot it’s arm out at Taako and swiped him back, necrotic energy hitting the wizard with pure force. Angus yelled Taako’s name and the wraith was focused on him again. It’s harrowing mouth let out an ear-piercing screech. Angus froze on the spot, suddenly finding himself gripped with fear. He couldn’t take his eyes off the monster as it raised his skeletal arms. A massive wall of ice was beginning to form just above Angus and he couldn’t move. He thought he heard Merle cast a spell and a blinding light was starting to bloom from behind them and moved towards the wraith, but not before the cone of cold started descending on him.

“-ANGO!”

Magnus slammed into Angus and covered him with his massive frame just as the spell fell on them both. Angus felt the ice hit as it forced them both against the ground. It felt like he had fallen into a frozen lake, cold shooting through every inch of him. 

He wondered if his blood would freeze a moment before he lost consciousness.

 

-

 

The first thing Angus felt was cold. A deep, hard cold that webbed through his bones and shook him with a dull ache. He could barely register some sounds and movement, voices near him and something warm encasing him. A shiver broke through and he tried to move himself closer to the warmth. Angus felt a heartbeat under him.

“-fucking morons fault for bein’ a dingus.”

“-warned her this would happen.”

“-a break, Taako. Ango was just-” 

A loud sneeze jolted Angus awake. He tried to blink away the haze in his mind as he looked up, seeing Magnus rubbing a cloth under his nose. The fighter smiled down at him sheepishly.

“Sorry Dangus, didn’t mean to wake you,” he sniffed loudly.

Angus couldn’t help a smile. He was held in Magnus’s lap, a heavy blanket over the two of them. The man’s nose was red and he sounded like he was coming down with a cold. “Did we beat the wraith, sirs?” Angus looked around, seeing Merle and Taako sitting in front of them in the glass sphere. Merle snorted, not bothering to look up.

Taako rolled his eyes and poked a finger back towards Angus. “Yeah, just, you know, no fuckin’ thanks to you, nerd.” He pursed his lips and jerked his eyes to Magnus. “I swear to god, meathead - if you - fuckin’ get your nose crust on any of my shit, I’m immolating your ass, got me?” Taako faked an dramatic gasp when Magnus stuck his tongue out at him.

Angus felt another shiver and buried himself back into Magnus with a frown. “I’m s-sorry, sirs. I sh-shouldn’t have come along. I kn-knew a wraith was out of m-my level range, but I-” 

A deep cough interrupted him, forcing him to double forward and cover his mouth. He felt Magnus rub a hand slowly between his shoulder blades as air rattled in his ribcage. After he could chance a deeper breath without hacking he leaned back against Magnus, forcing himself to breathe normally, or as best as he could.

He just barely caught a glimpse of Taako glancing a worried eye at him before the elf snorted and crossed his arms, looking back towards the front. “That’s what you get, dork.”

Angus wrapped his arms around himself, feeling his eyes start to sting. He wanted to be useful to everyone so badly, but all he did was put himself in danger and force Magnus to save him. He wanted to bury himself under the blanket and hide.

“Hey, don’t take it personally, Ango,” Magnus whispered above Angus. The boy looked up and saw him still smiling and sniffling loudly. “Taako was worried ‘bout you, s’all.”

Angus knew Magnus was trying to make him feel better, so he nodded. Somehow, it only made him feel more useless.

 

-

 

Debriefing with the Director was quick. There were no artifacts or relics in the caves near the sword coast, just an angry ice wraith with a big mouth and a penchant for destruction. Taako offered to pay whoever gave them the false lead a visit (making a gesture with his hands Angus didn’t recognize but that made Magnus wince and Merle snort loudly), but the Director claimed she would have it looked into. As they continued, Angus’s mind floated in and out of the conversation. His head felt so heavy, like part of his brain was still thawing out. He wrapped his arms around himself to try and stifle his shivering and tried to focus on keeping himself from swaying on his feet. Angus had insisted on standing and walking on his own when they arrived back at the base. He didn’t want to be treated like a child. He didn’t want to feel useless.

Deep down, beneath the rattling between breaths and the cold aches, he wished someone would pick him up and carry him to bed.

“-Angus?”

He jerked his head up at his name, wincing as his head throbbed in protest at the movement, and saw all eyes were on him. Angus felt his face flush and swallowed his embarrassment, which was a mistake as it irritated his throat. “I-I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m a little tired after the mission, but I’m fine! Honestly!”

The Director’s brow furrowed. Taako popped his lips loudly from behind Angus, pretending to inspect his nails when Angus looked back at him. “She was askin’ you if the chucklefucks forgot to mention anything, Agnes.”

“Oh.” Angus tried to clear his throat. It didn’t help anything. “N-no, ma’am. I think that-that’s everything.”

Angus felt incredibly small as the Director continued to eye him. Her eyes reflected something that could have been a look of concern, but he felt more like it was disappointment. Maybe annoyance. Probably both.

“Very well, then.” The Director sighed, taking her staff as she stood from her desk and smiled at the team. “I’m sorry it was a bad lead, but I appreciate you all - Magnus please stop rubbing snot on your cloak - for your diligent work nonetheless. I’ll let you know if we find anything a little more promi-” Her nose crinkled as she shot Magnus a disgusted look. “Okay, Magnus go blow your nose or something right now, you’re leaking like a faucet and I wont have you crusting up the bureau.” 

Magnus snorted loudly in reply. The director rolled her eyes with a sigh and continued, “You boys just take the next few days to rest up and I’ll contact you when the next mission is ready. That includes you, Angus.” She gave the boy a gentle smile. “No seeker work tonight, I’m afraid. Fine or not, recovery post mission is always important - especially for our best and brightest.”

Angus forced a smile back. She didn’t have to lie like that to him. He didn’t need to roll and insight check to assume the Director was trying to baby him. Being the most competent seeker at the bureau didn’t mean much to Angus at that moment. He just wanted to hide somewhere and pretend he wasn’t such an annoyance to deal with. He just wanted his head to stop hurting and for everything to stop swaying.

The Director looked back at her reclaimers and grimaced. “Magnus, stop rubbing your snot on Taako’s robes. Gross.”

Seeing the look of absolute terror on Taako’s face as he leaped away from Magnus would have made Angus laugh any day. Unfortunately, he had already trudged his way out of the Director’s office and headed down towards the hallway. He heard the high pitched yelp behind him, followed by laughter and Taako’s shouting. It caused a pit to form in his stomach for some reason.

When Angus felt he was far enough down the hallway that no one could hear him, he let out a terrible hacking cough. It felt like cold knives were slicing at his lungs and throat as he wheezed. Lights sparked behind his eyes as he tried to steady himself after the fit. He squeezed them shut, forcing himself to calm down and keep moving down the hall towards his room.

His feet carried him slowly. He was thankful they carried him at all, the way he was feeling. The dizziness, the shaking, the taste of copper in his mouth - it was as overwhelming as it was miserable.

Angus McDonald was not going to let his friends- his co-workers see him like this. Angus was not going to make anyone think that they had to take care of him, that he was some burden for everyone.

Somehow, his body made it to the second to last door on the left of the hall. He barely remembered reaching for his room key and opening the door, but he must have managed it just fine as he was now standing by his bed. Either his swaying was growing noticeably worse or the floor was becoming terribly warped.

He flung himself onto the bed. Angus winced as the momentum rattled his head, but sighed as he settled on the cool sheets and pillowcase. His glasses were still on, pressed uncomfortably against the side of his face. Angus thought he should take them off before they get bent. He lay there shivering as he continued to think. Thinking about anything else made his mind feel bleary and warped. Angus closed his eyes and thought that, maybe, he already took his glasses off. He still felt them pressed against his face, but maybe he took them off already. Why was he still thinking about it?

 

-

 

A harsh, sharp cough cracked through Angus, forcing him to sit up quickly. Too quickly. He couldn’t stop wheezing and coughing, like there was sand and rocks rattling inside his ribcage. It passed slowly, leaving him out of breath with that terrible metallic taste. He suddenly became aware of the tension in his head and shoulders. Everything ached and he felt far too sensitive.

Angus blinked his eyes open. The world was bleary, even with his glasses still dangling from his face. Didn’t he take those off? It didn’t matter. He was breathing harshly, like he had just run through training with Killian. A drink of water and he’d be fine.

Finding the floor and standing was one of the hardest things Angus could remember doing. The world pitched and swayed and that was probably not good. His hands found the cold marble of the bathroom sink and they lingered, that chill suddenly becoming the best thing he’s felt. He opened the small cabinet under the sink and squinted at the bottles of medicine he kept just in case. Fantasy Children’s Tylenol, Fantasy Children’s Nyquil, Fantasy Children’s…

He closed the cabinet without taking anything. 

Glass of water drained once and refilled, Angus shuffled back to his bedroom. He eased himself onto the edge of the mattress and realized he hadn’t changed his clothes after the mission. Even his shoes were still on. No wonder he was so uncomfortable. He kicked off his shoes and socks, removed his fancy boy vest and that was all he had the energy to care about. Angus let himself fall back onto the pillows-

Oh. 

He carefully removed his glasses and placed them on the night table next to the glass of water.

An unusually warm numbness started coating his mind as Angus burrowed himself under his thick blankets. Any other day, Angus would have deduced that he was absolutely sick and should probably find Noelle or - Istus forbid - Merle. The sensitivity, the rattling in his chest, the way the world was just a melting mess around him - Angus was a smart enough boy to know that he was very sick. But, being sick meant someone would have to take care of him. So, Angus McDonald was not sick. 

He tried to lay still while his eyes drooped, thinking about nothing except for his unsteady breathing as he fell deeper into a sickly haze.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna wait and update this later but I couldn't help myself. Will probably finish this one before getting the next two chaps of DLD out.

  
  
“It's just allergies, don't make a big deal out of it.”   
  
Taako shot Magnus a look. “I watched you get smashed by a fucking glacier yesterday, Mango. Like hell it is.”   
  
“Big boy’s got a cold, whoop-dee-doo.” Merle huffed as he opened the fantasy newspaper. “Just don’t touch ‘em and you won’t get sick. Probably.”   
  
The three reclaimers occupied their main living space, usually spending the mornings begging Taako to cook them something edible before giving up and heading for the canteen. Today, Magnus was huddled on the couch surrounded with Fantasy Kleenex and three waste baskets full of tissues. Merle and Taako were keeping well away from any strays that missed the basket. Taako scrunched his nose as he watched Magnus pull the old quilt tighter around himself and make wet sniffing sounds.   
  
“It’s not a cold, because I’m not sick.” Magnus reached for another tissue. “Like the world’s worst cleric would know a cold if it bit him on his-” He slapped the tissue to his nose as a loud sneeze interrupted him. Magnus held it there a moment before trying to wipe whatever just came out of him and continue. “Anyways,” sniff “Like I said, just allergies.”   
  
“Oh yeah, of course. Absolutely.” Taako kicked a wadded tissue across the floor and snickered. “That-you know-that checks out fine. But, uh, I've just watched you add about four layers of nose crust onto that poor sleeve of yours and a guy really has to wonder if, maybe, you're full of bullshit?”   
  
“Hey!” Magnus jabbed a finger towards Taako and snorted loudly. “I'm not sick! I'm the tank and tanks don't get sick!” He grabbed another handful of tissues and blew his nose.    
  
Taako winced in disgust and glared at Merle. “Yo, can't you like just, I dunno, do some actual cleric shit and zap his crud away?”   
  
Merle grunted and peered up from his paper. “Waste a spell slot on a cold? Pfft, just let him muddle through it.” He went back to reading and chuckled. “It’ll teach him to stop throwing himself at level five.”   
  
Taako reached down and backhanded Merle’s head, causing the dwarf to throw his papers in the air with a loud protest. “Shit won't fuckin save me from havin to listen to this boner spread his fuckin germs all over the moon! Just do it before anyone else - namely, this elf right here - gets fucked by Magoos creepin’ crud!” Magnus pouted as Merle reached for the scattered newspapers. Taako waved them both off with a roll of his eyes. “I swear to god I’m like a babysitter to you boneheads, honestly.”   
  
“Speaking of babysitting...” Magnus sniffed and grinned at Taako.   
  
“Yeah, it’s Tuesday, innit?” Merle shuffled the papers together in an awkward stack, throwing Taako a shit eating grin. “Don’t you have a playdate with the nerd detective?”   
  
Taako opened his mouth to respond, then closed it. He thought for a moment and pursed his lips when he realized that it was, in fact, a Tuesday. Which meant magic lessons for one little boy on the moon.   
  
“Twerp’s late.” Taako huffed, crossing his arms.   
  
“Well shit, Taako. It’s only…” Magnus looked at the clock, blinking his watery eyes. “Oh, fuck. I guess he is late. Usually hear him beating the door down by now.” He furrowed his brow as he grabbed another tissue. “Did either of you guys see Ango after debriefing yesterday?”   
  
“Nah, kid’s probably still embarrassed about yesterday.” Taako was now eying the door. “Having his favorite and most esteemed wizard see him beef it on a mission and everything…”   
  
Merle shrugged, giving up on the paper and tossing it aside. “Our ‘most esteemed wizard’ isn’t worried, is he?”   
  
Taako grimaced. Just because Angus looked like a frozen glob of shit after they got him out of that ice cube didn’t mean Taako needed to worry. Just because the kid could barely stand straight when they landed. Just because-   
  
“I’m worried ‘bout him.” Magnus wiped his nose down his arm. “Kid took a hit yesterday. I mean, I’m fine obviously. But Angus is like…”   
  
“Idiot’s got ten hitpoints and no constitution.” Merle grumbled.   
  
The room quieted as the three traded glances.   
  
“Okay, FINE!” Taako threw his hands up in defeat. “I’ll go check on the nerd, but just because he’s late and my time is VERY valuable. Teach him to not leave me waiting again.”   
  
“Hey, while you’re out,” Magnus said as Taako laced his boots, “can you stop by Fantasy Costco and get some more Fantasy Kleenex? And maybe, like, some Fantasy Powerade?”   
  
Taako groaned dramatically. “Yeah sure, why not? But I’m not getting the purple shit, it’s disgusting.” Magnus started to whine. “Keep that up, mucus factory, and you can just drink dad’s shitty root water.”   
  
“It’s Chesneroot Tea and it puts hair on your chest!” Merle shouted.   
  
Taako opened the front door and smirked back at Merle. “Yeah, maybe you lay off of that garbage for a while, huh?”

  
  
-V-

  
  
As he found himself standing at the second to last door on the left, Taako began having second thoughts. He wasn’t a parent type. Hell, he was barely a friend type. And he certainly didn’t have time or energy to waste worrying after some kid that annoyed him to no end. Still, he didn’t find himself walking away.   
  
His eyes travelled down to the newspaper still folded beside the door. Okay, now that was weird. The paper gnome wouldn’t shut up about how Angus always had the nicest conversations with him every morning he stopped by. Angus must not have woken up at his usual time…   
  
Taako was still not worried, but it wouldn’t hurt to make sure the kid didn’t sleep through his alarm. He rapped his knuckles against the door and cleared his throat.   
  
“Hey, nerd? You missed magic day and, like, Taako’s a busy busy man! So, consider this house call a once in a lifetime favor my dude.”   
  
Nothing.   
  
Yikes.   
  
Taako tried the doorknob and found it locked. He knocked again. “You in, Agnes?”   
  
Still nothing.   
  
Double yikes.   
  
Flicking his wrist, Taako cast a quick Knock on the door and it unlocked with a click. He eased the dook open and peered inside. “Hey, your door was unlocked so I let myself in, Archibald.” Taako lied as he stepped into the small living space. He wrinkled his nose. Everything was entirely too tidy, not that it surprised him. The writing desk near the kitchenette had papers and books stacked and sorted by color and size. The bookcases were organized by size and color and subject. Not a speck of dust or debris to be seen on any surface. The room was so spotless Taako almost felt under dressed in comparison. “You better say something if you’re here otherwise I’m gonna fuck up your nerd stuff.”   
  
A rasping sound cracked the air and he jumped. Taako jerked his head towards the direction of the noise and saw the door to what he assumed was the bedroom hanging ajar. In one quick stride he pushed the door completely open.   
  
As tidy as the living room was, the bedroom was a disaster. Not a disaster in comparison to what Taako’s room currently looked like of course. But for Angus, this was unheard of. Clothes on the floor, empty glasses on the bedside table (and one on the floor), sheets tangled in a mess of linen-   
  
The pile of blankets moved and a groan came from them. Taako’s face dropped at the sound. “Pumpkin? You, uh, you okay?”   
  
His only reply was a hacking cough that made him cringe. Stepping over the discarded clothing and shoes, Taako approached the bedside and seated himself on the mattress. He peered over the mass of blankets and saw a small mass of black curls near the pillows. Taako hated that he felt relieved to see it.   
  
He placed a gentle on the boy’s head, eliciting a murmur from under the covers. “Hey Agnes, you sleeping in today?” Taako tried to ignore how warm Angus felt.   
  
“Mrrm.” Angus shifted so he could peek at Taako from beneath the sheets. “...e’ro, sir.”   
  
Taako snickered. “You look like shit, bubbala.”   
  
Angus squinted his bleary eyes. “M’fine, sir. Tired from today, s’all.”   
  
“Today?” Taako raised an eyebrow.   
  
“The wrai’f, sir.”   
  
Taako blinked and cocked his head, placing a hand on Angus’s forehead. “Okay, well, that was yesterday, pumpkin.” The boy’s skin was hot and clammy. “Oofa doofa, could cook an egg on that head of yours, Agnes.”   
  
“Yesterday…?” Angus’s brow creased as he repeated the word. “Oh...oh, sir, is it magic day?” He tried to sit up. “I-I’m sorry, I just-”   
  
His body lurched forward and another cough cracked out of him. Angus’s body shook as he coughed as though the breath was being ripped out of him. Taako couldn’t help but grimace at the noise as Angus fought to catch his breath. A good minute passed before he could shudder an uninterrupted breath.   
  
Taako hesitantly put his hand on Angus’s back, rubbing gently after a moment. “Yeah, no. No sorry's today. Cut that shit out right now.” He noticed Angus was wearing the same shirt from yesterday. “Have you been in bed since we got back?”   
  
Angus groaned and slumped forward into Taako’s chest.    
  
“Yeah, that sounded like a yes to me. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, my dude, but you’re sick as fuck.”   
  
“M’not sick.”   
  
Taako rolled his eyes, not that Angus could see him. “Fuck, you’re worse than Magnus.” He gently nudged Angus off him, eliciting a quiet protest as he stood. “Alright, dweebus. Taako can’t leave his one and only pupil alone to waste away. Bad for business and whatever.”   
  
Angus only groaned in response. Taako sighed, leaning down and scooping the boy out of his tangle of sheets. Angus wrapped his tiny arms and legs around Taako, burying his face into Taako’s chest again and closing his eyes.   
  
“Damn kid, you’re burning up. You take anything for this shit?” Taako asked, pocketing Angus’s glasses before leaving the bedroom.   
  
“No.”   
  
“Why not? Shit, I know you’ve got, like, every children’s whatever Garfield carries, right?”   
  
Angus’s grip on Taako loosened. “M’not sick.”   
  
“Yeah, okay. I mean, that’s a lie is what you’ve just said, but okay.” Taako closed the door behind them. He felt Angus’s arms begin to slacken on his shoulders as he moaned another response. Taako tightened his embrace as he carried Angus down the corridor. “If anyone sees me having to carry you around like this it’s going to ruin my image, I hope you know.”   
  
His only response this time were Angus’s slow, even breaths as he slept against Taako’s shoulder. Taako murmured in annoyance, even as he began to rub gentle circles on the boy’s back. He looked up just in time to see the elevators open and a group of bureau members exit into the hallway.   
  
Taako hurried past them and shouted, “This kid owes me money!” before any of them could comment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To [REDACTED], who won't exist beyond the scope of my loathing in 2019

**Author's Note:**

> To [REDACTED], you sad little man.


End file.
